


Brooklyn Bridge Blues

by TazWren



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo is a Big Idiot. BIG. HUGE., Country Girl, F/M, Finn is a worrier, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Frank & Antoine to the rescue, Handholding, Light Angst, Literal running into each other, New York City, Plaid Paramour, Rey isn't having any of his nonsense, Rockstar Kylo Ren, Small Town Girl, Smut? We shall have to see 😉, sassy Rey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2020-09-30 13:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20447957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TazWren/pseuds/TazWren
Summary: Visiting the big city, for the first time, fanfic writer Rey finds a host of experiences waiting for her: finally meeting online friends, writing in beautiful locales, her first rock concert, a run-in with a rock star. And maybe more?A prompt fic for The Writing Den's Plaid Paramour collection.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite/gifts), [RensKnight18](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RensKnight18/gifts).

> Prompt 1: Don’t Stop Believin’ inspired. Ben the city boy. Rey the small town girl.
> 
> Prompt 2: [Rockstar Ben](https://mobile.twitter.com/RensKnight18/status/1159427373239918593?s=19)
> 
> So this was a marriage of the two prompts with a whole lot of real-life experience mixed up in it. Meeting my Reylos and sprinting in Central Park, wandering all over the Brooklyn Bridge (YES, I took that photo of fuckmefuckyou🖤 😂), and the whole Burn This experience was one of the best of my life. I just had to write it into a fic. Not to mention two other people you will soon meet 😉
> 
> Also, I have to thank [KTF](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyloTrashForever/pseuds/KyloTrashForever), who let me borrow heavily (HEAVILY!) from her ['Like Red But Not Quite'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14747861/chapters/34097774) to get the concert written. She's seen this already and given me the go ahead, so don't anybody come for me! 😆

fuckmefuckyou🖤

Someone had actually taken the time to carve that into the side of the bridge, following it up, a few yards farther along, with 'fuckmefuckyoufuckeveryone🖤'.

Rey snorted, not sure if it was an act of vandalism or whimsy - eitherways it seemed to embody the quirky energy that flowed through the city. 

Shaking her head, she looked out over the water, just making out the shape of Lady Liberty through the wisps of fog still blanketing the East River. Rey couldn't believe she was actually here, in New York, standing on the Brooklyn Bridge. A lifetime of dreaming and saving up, and now,  _ now _ she was ready to  _ live _ her best life, experience whatever the City had to show her. Whatever she could fit in three days, atleast!

_ Speaking of, time to keep moving… _

Hitching her bag over her shoulder, Rey spun around, intent only on completing her trek into Brooklyn, and smacked face first into a warm wall. She bounced back, losing her footing as she did, but was quickly saved from falling and was hauled upright by the same wall. While the world slowly spun around her she now saw that the wall had a soft gray Henley stretched across it, muscles bunching under the fabric as his hands moved up her arms to grip her, his oddly interesting face creased with concern. Her eyes drifted up to the dark hair that fell over his brow and then dipped down to the plush lips—redder than she'd ever seen on any man—that were moving mesmerizingly. 

_ Oh. _

“Are you okay?” 

“Um, yes, sorry!” She shook her head, “I mean, thank you…” 

Biting her lip at her idiocy, Rey glanced up at the man in time to see a crooked smile quirk his mouth, his whiskey eyes warming in accompaniment. It was a smile that tugged at her for some reason and she couldn't help responding to it, her own spreading in a wide dimple-flashing grin, her teeth still clamped on her lower lip. 

Abruptly, his smile dropped, his eyes widening, before all expression wiped clear off his face. As though a mask had been lowered.

His hands dropped, letting her go just as suddenly, before he nodded curtly at her and stepped past. Before Rey could comprehend what had just happened, his long, ground-eating strides had taken him through the throng of people on the bridge, till even his exceptional height was lost to her sight.

Realising that she was still rooted where she stood, looking after him like a gaping fool, Rey pulled herself together and resumed her path, refusing to admit it bothered her. She wasn't here to get lost in a pair of pretty eyes. 

___

“Hey, are you Sandrat?” 

“Yes! Don't tell me - Trooper?”

“Got it in one! Call me Finn.” The dark-skinned man looked to be about her age. Sticking her hand out, she smiled, “Then, call me Rey.”

Finn snorted then, taking her hand, pulled her in for a hug, “Six months of talking to me every day, and you want to shake my hand? You have to be kidding me!”

As surprised as she was by the gesture, Rey settled into it nonetheless. Finn was right, they may only have been meeting for the first time in person, but they'd chatted with each other for so long, it was like she’d always known him. She just needed to remember they weren't actually strangers.

Easing back, Rey looked quickly at the other person at the table, smiling as she identified their third: Rose, the firebrand was as much of a petite firecracker in real life as she was online.

The three of them had met on a Discord writing server, writing fanfiction for various fandoms and kept running into each other until they settled into a steady orbit. A trickle of conversation quickly became a daily deluge that kept them chatting all through their respective days and sometimes nights as they became indispensable to each other. They talked and talked and talked about anything under the sun. Writing, Fandom, Life, and general madness. If she could bottle it and sell it, Rey was sure she would make a fair buck or two. Since she couldn't, though, she had been determined to find a way to join her friends when they decided to come to New York for a fandom meet on Star Wars Day. 

"So, what we were thinking was," Rose paused here, for dramatic effect as she was wont to, looking at Rey expectantly.

Smiling, Rey leaned forward asking, as was her cue, "What? What! Don't keep me guessing, woman."

"Central Park! We go write in Central Park!" Slapping the table, Rose leaned back with a self-satisfied grin.

"Can you imagine us sitting there, in this lovely weather, and sprinting in person?" Finn was literally bouncing in his seat as he referred to the writing exercises they usually did together online.

"Now,  _ that  _ is a brilliant idea! When, now? Let's go!" As always, Rey was ready to hit the road the minute she caught hold of an idea.

"Slow down, babe! First brunch, New York-style," Rose waggled her eyebrows, "then we pound the pavement."

"I can do food, anytime," Rey agreed, smiling wryly as she reached for a menu.

"We know!" her friends chorused, all temporary hesitation gone as they settled into their normal rhythm with each other.

___

"Will you watch where you're going?!" Rose grabbed Rey and yanked her back just as she was about to step off the curb right in the path of oncoming traffic.

"Sorry!" Rey ducked her head sheepishly. A scant few seconds later she was back at it, tilting her head up and twisting it around to take in the tall buildings around them. 

"The next time, I ain't hauling you out of harm's way," Rose warned, seeing her friend gawking again.

"I'll pay attention, promise! Just," Rey waved skywards, "we don't have skyscrapers back in Jakku."

"Don't worry, Sandrat - we're gonna show you a lot of things you don't have back in Jakku!" Finn clapped her on the shoulder and grinned. "Starting with tonight."

Waiting till they hurried across the intersection at the changing lights, Rey turned to him as they continue walking. "What's tonight?"

"Tonight, girl, we're seeing the Knights of Ren in concert and then going around stage door for autographs!" 

"Whaaat?!" Rose whooped as she high-fived Finn, "Bish, how did you make that happen? They've been sold out for ages!"

Finn shrugged, not quite self-deprecating as he responded, "I may know a guy, and I didn't want to say anything till Frank actually managed to hook me up with tix."

Rey looked from one to the other blankly. "Who?"

And suddenly she was walking alone, Finn and Rose having slammed to a halt, staring at her.

"What do you mean, who? Don't tell me - Jakku never heard of the Knights of Ren?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." She shrugged.

"They are only one of the best Punk Rock bands in the Continental US, and their new single's been topping the charts for weeks!" Finn threw up his hands in disbelief, "Rose and I've been yeeting about that song on every chat."

"I… I'm not really into bands much, I only listen to whatever records Maz has lying around. And I just… coast, when you guys are talking music. I mean," She shrugged, looking down at her scuffed shoes, "I never have anything to add."

It wasn't that she wasn't grateful for everything her foster mother had done for her, but it was times like this that reminded her of how much she knew nothing about, and how much larger life could be.

"Well," Rose and Finn resolutely threaded their arms through hers and started walking, "you're gonna get a first hand introduction to some of the best music around tonight. We aren't leaving you at the mercy of Maz's music from the last century. Now, walk smart!"

A laugh burst from her lips as Rey let her friends haul her along, bouying her spirits.

___

The concert itself was unusual, being held in a theatre and for a limited audience. That Finn had managed to get passes at all was a miracle, given how packed the place was - a Knights of Ren gig was apparently  _ 'to die for' _ as Rey overheard someone say. Whoever Frank was, he'd really made good, since she found herself six feet from the stage for her very first concert.

The energy running through the crowd was infectious and soon Rey found herself wound up with anticipation, waiting to hear these Rock Gods everyone was so in love with. 

Then, the lights dimmed and the loud, strident chords of an electric guitar filled the air, a curtain-raiser that was greeted by screaming excitement as the band came into view.

Rey wasn't sure what she'd expected, but it certainly wasn't a large man, wearing a black-and-chrome helmet that almost completely hid his features, except for his mouth. He was dressed in a t-shirt that moulded to his muscular body, and ripped jeans - all black. Before she could comment on the strangeness of seeing a masked singer, the drummer and another guitarist started a quick thumping rhythm, and they were away.

The masked man's fingers flew in counterpoint to the beat, playing the guitar with dexterity and passion as he drove the music high, high, higher into a crescendo that had Rey's pulse thumping in accompaniment, the sounds reverberating through her body. When he began to sing, her heart all but jumped out of her mouth. 

She'd never heard anything as heady, as deep, as  _ sinful _ as what spilled from his impossibly plush, red lips and, against her expectations, Rey found herself enthralled by the sound of his singing, swaying in time to it.

Where the time went she never knew, lost to the music and decadent voice of the lead singer. Suddenly, two hours had flown past, the lights were coming on in the darkened theatre, and the audience was screaming for encores as the curtains dropped on the band bowing their thanks.

"Okay, wow, what the hell was that? Who was that guy?! I've never heard anything like it!" Rey gripped Finn's arm hard and shot questions at him as he took off at a fast clip. "Wait, what's the rush?"

"Hurry! We need to get to the stage door before the crowd builds up. The band will come out and sign autographs!" He tossed over his shoulder as he dragged her along.

Rose, who was pushing Rey to keep up, added as they shot through the throng and out a side entrance, "That was Kylo Ren, if you mean the guy wearing the mask. He's the lead singer, and you just got a small taste of that piece of goodness!"

As they wedged themselves in the line that wound from the stage entrance almost all the way down the block, Rose and Finn continued to sign the praises of Kylo Ren. "He never performs without that mask, and it drives the fans and promoters wild!"

"Why? Is it like, he's keeping his identity secret?" Rey cocked her head as she looked at Finn, not able to help wondering at the mystery of it all.

"Well, on the down low for certain. Very few people have seen him without that mask, and he likes to keep it that way, by all accounts. Which is why this is so great! The band will be coming out and we may get to see him without it!" Finn and Rose clutched at each other and did an excited hop. Not too enthusiastic, of course, or they'd fall out of line. And that would never do. 

Before long, the door opened, and a string of security personnel came out, leading the musicians out, the whole while cautioning the waiting fans to not take selfies and not hold the line up. Like before the start of the actual concert, Rey could feel the excitement building in everyone around her and found herself getting caught up in it as well. 

And if it had something to do with the possibility of seeing the man behind the velvet voice that she could still hear in her head, so much the better for it.

The band members worked their way down the line, signing autographs, shaking hands, exchanging a word or two with the fan, laughing at occasion. Then, they were right there in front of her and she found herself gawking at a familiar face with deep whiskey eyes and pouting red lips, dark hair falling across brows that raised in surprise before lowering in a frown.

"You!" the man from the bridge exclaimed, "Are you stalking me?"

___


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Worried friends and a conversation with a bodyguard - more experiences for Rey!

"Are you stalking me?"

_ Wait, what? _

Rey stared at him with her mouth open, flabbergasted. And then, like wildfire, her quick temper swept in.

“Stalk you? I don’t even know who the hell you are? You’re very full of yourself!” She glared back at his frowning self, towering over her, ignoring her friends pulling on her arm and the clamour surrounding them. A large, dark-skinned man thrust his arm between them and gently maneuvered her accuser behind him, speaking firmly as he did, “Ma’am, please step away from the barricade. This is a warning.”

_ Seriously, what? Who in the blazes did he think he was? _

Caught up in righteous anger, as she was, it completely escaped Rey that this must be one of the famed band-members. 

“Don’t you be warning me! Tell your jackass to keep his damned accusations to himself!” She switched between glaring at the bodyguard and Bridge Man, who was now blinking at her with a shocked look on his face. 

“Stalking him, indeed. I’ve had enough of this nonsense! You guys have fun,” She turned and gestured to a protesting Finn and Rose, “I’m out of here.”

Then, she stuck her hands in her pockets and stalked away, not bothering to look at the tableau behind her.

___ 

  
  


How long she walked, Rey didn’t know. Seething, she just put her head down and kept going, letting her feet take her where they would, not really paying attention. It didn’t even bother her that this was an unfamiliar place, and it was already nighttime. All that mattered was that she work off the anger boiling in her. 

Unwittingly, Bridge Man had poked at her feelings of inadequacy, and a lingering belief that she didn’t deserve good things in life. After all, her own parents had abandoned her in a dumpster. 

All this roiled in her subconscious, the poisonous fumes just amping up what was running through the forefront of her thoughts. 

_ How dare he accuse her of stalking him! Just who did he think he was? What gave him the right? And for that guard to warn her, like she was some sort of… If this was what people in the City were like, then she wanted nothing to do with them! _

_ Uppity jackass with that stupid, stupid hair. And those eyes. And that mouth. _

_ No, dammit! _

On and on she went, the litany in her head oscillating between her anger and everything she’d noticed about him, going back to their first run-in. 

When, finally, she slowed down, it was to find herself in front of a familiar silhouette in the gloom of the night. Somehow, she’d managed to walk all the way down the length of Manhattan till she’d gotten to the Brooklyn Bridge. The very bridge where the idiot man had saved her from falling on her face.

There was a sudden stab of hurt as she recalled their encounter from the morning. Which was stupid, really. It wasn’t as though anything had happened, or could have happened. Still, she couldn’t help but remember that flash of warmth in his eyes and his smile that had tugged at her.

_ All nonsense and just what she deserved for believing in the glamour of this city. _

She just wished, in that moment, that she could put her fist through the whole lousy, beautiful place.

Slowly, and with a very different mood from when she’d last been there, Rey walked over the bridge, a feeling of numbness washing over her. Her anger had finally stopped roiling and seething and all she felt was sad. She had so looked forward to this trip, it had been such a lovely day, and with one sentence, everything now just felt hollow. 

Coming to a stop by that familiar scrawl, she looked at the words scratched into the paint, a bitter twist to her mouth. 

fuckmefuckyou indeed.

As all the energy and adrenalin bled from her, Rey leaned against the side of the bridge, tiredness pulling at her. Wrapping her gloveless hands over the chill metal, she looked out the twinkling lights scattered across the now-clear vista, the clouds of the morning having blown away.

_ Maybe because they’d decided to blow all over her. _

Morosely, she looked out at the underlit bulk of the Statue of Liberty, far out across the water.

_ Two idealists holding a torch up… just you and me, Lady. _

Rey frowned at the thought. She suddenly realized that she hadn’t heard from either Finn or Rose since she stormed off. Which was highly unlikely. Unless…

Spurred into action she dug through her pockets and then her bag till she unearthed her phone. Not being used to always carrying it with her, there not being too much usage on Jakku except for her chatting with Finn and Rose, she had to think about where she’d stashed it. Digging it out, Rey groaned as she saw it buzzing away in silent mode, a slew of notifications showing numerous missed calls and unread messages. She’d _ completely _ forgotten she’d muted the damned thing for the concert.

Quickly thumbing at the screen, she accepted the incoming call from Finn, wincing as she answered, “Hello?”

“Rey! Thank god! Where the hell are you, woman? We’ve been trying to reach you for ever. Do you know how worried I’ve been?! I thought you go-”

“Finn! Slow down, I’m okay, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you… I forgot my phone was on mute and I didn’t look at it till just now. I’m okay, don’t worry, nothing’s happened to me.”

There were a few minutes of heavy breathing on the phone as Finn evidently tried to rein himself in before he continued in a more calm tone, “Where are you, though, Rey? We checked your hotel and you weren’t there.”

Grimacing, Rey scratched at the back of her neck as she responded, “Yeah, about that. I’m… on the Brooklyn Bridge, and-”

“What?!” Rey held the phone a little away from her ear as Finn hollered. “Do you have any idea what time is? Da fuck you doing there on your own? Wait, are you alone? Are you okay?”

“Finn, FINN, bish, I need you to breathe. I’m okay, I swear and yes, I’m alone,” Rey started walking back the way she’d come as she tried to calm her friend down, keeping her tone as soothing as she could, “I’m sorry, just… that _ stupid _ man and that thing about me being a stalker, and I just… flipped my lid. Started walking and before I knew it, I was here by the bridge. I’m walking back now.”

“No, no, Rey. Listen to me. Do not walk back. It’s almost 11pm, just take the subway back. Do you know how to do that?”

Rey looked around, the streets around her were empty and then she spied a sign for the subway off to the side, and saw a few people loitering around the entrance. “Oh, yeah, yeah! I can see the station from here, and I’ll just ask someone to help me out.”

“Rey, no. This isn’t Jakku. Don’t ask anyone, don’t even talk to anyone if they aren’t a policeman. Actually no, maybe not even then. Just… do you have that app I loaded on your phone?”

Rey flipped screens till she pulled up the Maps application Finn had set up for her, with her hotel already saved in Favorites. “Yes, I have it here.”

“Okay, good! Use that, follow exactly what it tells you to. Now, you’re going to lose signal underground, so make sure you load the directions up first. If you get stuck, just get out to the street and call me. You got that? We’ll come find you if we need to.”

“Don’t worry, I can navigate you know, I’m not completely clueless!”

Finn sighed, “I know you aren’t, babe. But, you’ve never been here before and you took off like a damned hare. Now I can’t sleep till your ass is back at your hotel. And _ then_, tomorrow? Your ass is grass for giving me a frickin’ heart attack!”

Rey chuckled softly, “Yeah, yeah, I love you too. Now imma hang up and go map my way back. Okay, mommy?”

“Brat! Call me when you get back,” Finn instructed before hurrying to add, “Oh, and by that way, that stupid man? He was Kylo Ren, the frickin’ lead singer of the band! Babe, he wants-” 

And just like that the call disconnected. Rey started at her phone for a long moment, ascertaining that it did still have juice and was working. Trying Finn back, she gave up when the call just kept going to voicemail. Maybe _ his _phone died, she surmised and continued on her way back.

_ Probably from trying to reach her the whole time. _

The guilt only quickened her steps as she headed into the subway station.

___

Winding her way back up the city, Rey finally trudged up the side street to her hotel, feeling her very bones weighing her down. It had been a long, long day and all the recent excitement had just worn her out. She was hungry, to boot, and just wanted to get to her stash of candy bars before she face-planted on her bed.

Ahead of her, she could see the facade of the hotel, the neon sign flickering on and off. It looked seedy as heck, but then so did most of the other hotels in her budget, given she’d been insistent on staying _ in _ Manhattan. A small price to pay, she’d thought at the time. 

Absently, she wondered why someone driving around in a luxurious SUV, like the one parked across the street, would stay at a place like this. Then, as a large figure exited the car, she stiffened, straightening in alarm. It was that guard from the theatre, the one who’d asked her to step away. 

_ What was he doing here? Was he after her? Of course he was… How had he found her? _

“Ma’am, if I could have a word?” he called to her, as he crossed the street.

Picking up her pace, she made resolutely for the entrance of her hotel. If she got inside, he wouldn’t be able to follow her in, she naively concluded. For a large man, he moved pretty sprightly, though, nipping in front of her and halting with his hands held up, palms towards her.

“Ma’am, please, I just need a moment. Mr.Ren sends his apologies.”

_ Wait, what? _

Rey didn’t realize she’d actually said that out aloud, till he replied, “yeah, he’s really sorry about how things went down, earlier today. He sent me to find you, to apologize for him. And he asks if you would come meet him.” He gestured towards the vehicle.

Rey looked from him to the car and back, her thoughts spinning.

_ He sent his apologies? He wants me to… what? _

“How the heck did you find me?” she blurted, still stuck on that point. 

The man grimaced, sheepishly, as he said, “Frank? He’s security at the theatre? He came up and vouched for your friends, right after you… left. Explained the whole thing. Your friend, Finn, told me where I could find you.”

Seeing her frown at that, he hurried on, “Oh, it took some doing for him to give me the information, and only after Mr.Ren said that it was so he could apologize. He wouldn’t give up your phone number, though.”

_ Well, thank god for small mercies! _

Rey looked around, spreading her hands. “So, where is your precious Mr.Ren? Why isn’t he here himself? Or does he make a habit of sending you out to do his dirty work?”

The man hesitated and then said, in a soft tone, “Ma’am, he’s never once sent me out to do something like this.”

_ Oh. _

As she mulled over just what that meant, he continued, “We’ve had a few nasty incidents in the recent past - people jumping up on stage mid-performance, or chasing after him and the band as they went to their cars. So, everyone’s just been a little extra careful about security. He thought that’s what it was, until you… yelled at us and took off.”

He paused and looked at her expectantly, before looking pointedly at the car. 

_ Uh-uh, no way, Jose. _

“Yeah, I think I can understand that. However, I’m not getting into a car with a stranger, no matter who you work for, at almost midnight. If Kylo?” She looked at him for confirmation, continuing when he nodded, “Right, if Kylo Ren wants to meet me and apologize, then he can just come do it in person in broad daylight. I’m not one of his groupies.”

She made to step past him, but stopped when he put a hand up again.

“Ma’am, for what it’s worth? He doesn’t do groupies, or any of the things you normally associate with folks in a rock band. And he’s definitely never done anything like this with anyone. This, _ you_, it's different.”

“Wow, really laying it on thick, aren’t you?”

When he sighed, she searched his face and then asked, quietly, “What’s your name?”

“I’m Antoine, ma’am. I’m Mr.Ren’s bodyguard.”

Quickly, Rey made up her mind, she was too tired at this point to play games. Nodding, she threw him a bone, albeit a cryptic one. If Kylo Ren really wanted to make amends, he could figure it out. “Okay, Antoine, I appreciate you coming out here, and evidently waiting around for me to show up. Tell your boss that if he wants to meet me, he can come find me where we ran into each other. I’m going to head out there to catch the sunrise.”

Then, wishing him a good night, she stepped past him and swept into her hotel, majestic in her progress.

___


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am sooooo sorry for the long wait you've had, but we're finally doing this!!! Stay with me 💙

When the sun broke out through the morning haze over the East River, turning everything a rich, burnished ochre, Rey was already there to greet it.

An early riser at the best of times, she'd found herself unable to sleep. Her tiredness from the day before had, contrarily, kept her tossing all night long. And the prospect of possibly seeing Kylo Ren again, well, that just gave her a whole different problem. The butterflies in her stomach refused to let her rest.

_ Why did he want to meet her in person?. What was so different about her? Would he really actually turn up at all? _

A tiny voice, deep inside her, whispered that maybe he'd felt the same tug that she had. However, being the practical creature she was, Rey brushed it aside. Finding herself unable to sleep for long, she'd gotten ready to face the day and headed back out to the fateful bridge.

If nothing else worked out, at least she'd catch a beautiful sunrise.

Leaning against the bridge, her hands tucked under her arms, Rey shivered lightly in the early morning chill. No matter how many layers she wore, she still felt the wind keenly. Finn would lecture her about forgetting her gloves, she thought wryly, before turning around at the sound of clomping footsteps, accompanied by an odd, rhythmic clicking sound. Then, the haze parted around a tall form, which was hunched slightly against the cold. Kylo Ren. He hadn't come alone, the leash tucked in his hand attached to a large, black dog. Some sort of pitbull-mastiff cross, she noted, absently, looking from man to dog and back again.

She hadn't really expected him to show. Though she'd hoped he would. Her anger from the night before seemed absent, a mix of curiosity and anticipation buzzing in its place.

_ What sort of a rockstar actually comes out to apologize in person? _

She found that she very much wanted to know.

He came to a stop, his dark hair tucked under a woollen cap, sunglasses hiding his eyes. For a long moment she stood and stared at him, imagining he was doing the same. Before either of them could speak, the dog made his way over to her, snuffling at her toes and then looking up at her with a melting expression. Involuntarily, her hand dropped open towards the dog, and before she knew it her fingers were getting slobbered on. 

Chuckling, she dropped into a squat, scratching him behind the ears with one hand while he licked the other. Just because his owner was an idiot, it didn’t mean she needed to ignore an adorably friendly pup.

“Aww, who’s a good boy? You're  _ such _ a good boy!” she cooed softly at him, enjoying the way his entire backend waggled in appreciation of the praise, or maybe just the blissful scratching he was getting.

“His name is Moose,” Kylo Ren rumbled, in that ridiculous voice that had so captivated her the evening before.

Flicking her eyes up, Rey cocked her head at him, examining him in silence while he shifted under her scrutiny.

_ Was he… nervous? Of her? _

The thought gave her a surge of confidence, bringing her to her feet while continuing to toy with Moose’s ears. 

“And what’s  _ your _ name?”

He seemed startled by the question for a moment, before he answered, sounding a little sheepish, “I’m Ben.” He didn’t offer her a last name, but she let it go without comment.

“Well, Ben, you asked to see me?”

If he had been thirteen, she would have bet her bottom dollar that he would have been scuffing one shoe behind the other with how nervous he seemed - she could almost taste the tension in him.

_ What would he taste like? _

The thought was startling, jerking her back to herself as she mentally clapped a hand over her mouth. The last thing she needed to be doing was daydreaming about some celebrity. 

“I wanted to apologize for last night, for the way I acted. It’s…. I’m sorry I accused you of stalking me. It wasn't your fault, just… we’ve been going through a really tense time, with some over-enthusiastic fan, and I hadn’t expected to see you again, and… yeah... I’m really sorry.” Ben slipped his sunglasses off and looked her straight in the eye, his whiskey-colored orbs seeming earnest as he searched hers.

_ He hadn’t expected to see her? Had he… remembered her? _

Rey stared at him, not quite sure how to react. She’d known he wanted to apologize, Antoine had said as much the night before, but to actually hear it... For a stray second she wondered what would have happened if she’d taken Antoine up on the offer and gotten into the car. 

Shaking away the thought, Rey decided to stick with being practical and held her hand out. “No hard feelings, it's done and in the past.”

It was now his turn to stare at her hand before he slowly raised his, as though he hadn't much practice with shaking hands. As his large hand engulfed hers, a shiver ran through her at the meeting of their palms. Swallowing hard, she wondered if he felt that, for his grip tightened for a scant second. 

All too soon he released her hand, though she did wonder at how slowly he did, their fingers slipping against each others as he drew his hand back. Rather than look like a fool with her hand stuck out, staring up at a celebrity, Rey quickly tucked her hands into her pockets.

“Yeah, um… ok, I think I’ll get go-”

“Hey, do you want to get some coffee?” He interrupted, sounding hurried, almost as though he didn’t want her to finish what she was saying. 

_ Yeah, right, in your dreams, Niima. _

_ Wait… did he just... _

“What?” She blinked. 

Grimacing, he raised a hand to tug uselessly at the cap covering his hair before running a paw over the back of his neck.

“Sorry, that was a little abrupt.” Blowing out a breath, he spoke again, “Would you like to get some coffee or something?”

_ Okaaaay then... _

“Just to be clear, you want to get coffee with me?” Rey had no idea why she needed it confirmed, it had certainly sounded like the man was offering to buy her coffee.

“Uh, yeah, I really would.” 

“Is that normal?” her eyes widened when the words spilled from her mouth.

_ Why did I ask him that?? _

A surprised bark of amusement burst from him, and then he was chuckling, shaking his head, “I have no idea what normal is anymore. Maybe it is?” He squinted down at her.

She looked at the spots of early morning light dancing over his face, reflected off the water, illuminating his eyes in an unnerving way. It almost looked like a video she’d once seen of a tumbler of whiskey being set on fire.

“I’d like that,” she heard herself say, feeling a little burst of warmth when he smiled widely, looking for all the world like a little boy who’d just gotten a big ole bag of candy.

_ Am I really doing this? _

He crooked his elbow to her and, in a bemused manner, Rey slipped her hand onto his arm, letting him draw her close. Then he turned them around to head back the way he’d come, Moose happily trailing beside them as they walked away from the glory of the sun bursting out over the East River. 

___

Ben liked his coffee hot and sweet and just this side of being candy, she discovered, covertly watching as he licked a spot of whipped cream from his lip, trying not to let him see while she did.

Burying her nose in her own straight black,  _ slightly sweetened _ dark roast, Rey fought the blush that was threatening as an image of his mouth doing other things flashed for a hot second.  _ Boy, was it getting hot in here, or what? _

Still, seeing the almost childish enthusiasm he had for his sweet treat--there was no way she was going to call that monstrosity of syrup and cream coffee!--she couldn’t help grinning. 

“What? Do I have something on my-” he brushed at his mouth as he caught her smiling.

Chuckling, she shook her head. “No, its just… I would never have pegged you for a Caramel Macchiato kind of guy.”

The way his ears, poking up through his hair, tinged just a little bit red was adorable.  _ They _ were adorable.  _ He _ was…

_ Woah, slow down there missy… _

Contrary to everything she might have imagined about Kylo Ren, Ben had turned out to be quiet and shy, almost self-effacing. 

As though all the confidant vitality and loud energy he poured into his performance on stage needed the quiet calm of Ben Solo to counter it. 

Before she could get lost in contemplation, not even pausing to wonder why she was so sure she knew this about him, Ben was gesturing for her to preceed him out the door, out to where they’d left Moose hooked outside.. 

_ Parking for dogs, who would have thought! _

She shook her head as she watched Ben expertly loop the leash tight around his arm, before squinting around them as though trying to decide what to do next, now that they’d gotten the coffee he’d offered her. 

Rey herself had nothing to offer in terms of ideas, because she didn’t know the city and had never been in a situation quite like this one before. In her experience, when you yelled at someone, they didn’t usually offer to buy you coffee.  _ Or more. _

She quickly hit the brakes on her errant thoughts - Ben Solo had been nothing but a gentleman the whole time. If anything, he was probably wondering how to politely disengage from her now that they were all sorted. Rey felt a pang at the thought, admitting to herself that she would have liked to spend more time with the oddly sweet man who had caught her eye right from the time she’d bounced off him on the bridge. However, she was a realist, and knew that polite or not, someone like Ben Solo probably had much better things to do with his time than spend it with her.

So she was taken by surprise when, swallowing a mouthful of coffee, he turned to her and asked, “Er… do you have anything planned for today?” As she blinked up at him, unsure what exactly he was asking her, Ben rubbed at his nose, his large hand almost masking his face but not able to disguise his evident nervousness. 

“Um, I was going to spend the day wandering around the city with my friends, and I think we’re going to a show tonight.”

“Oh.” A flash of disappointment crossed his face before he schooled his features. “That’s right, I did hear it was your first time in New York.”

“Yeah, it is…” Rey found herself nodding inanely. 

_ Why was he disappointed? Did he…  _

And suddenly Rey found herself asking, not stopping to think about how forward it was, “Were you going to ask me something?”

Now it was his turn to blink and then he flushed, the tips of his ears turning red again. He rubbed a hand at the back of his neck as he cleared his throat, “Actually, I was going to ask if you wanted to spend some more time together. But, if you’ve already got-”

“I can call my friends,” she blurted, interrupting him, feeling a swoop of elation that he wasn’t done with her, either. 

“Yeah?” A shy smile broke over his face, like the sun peeking out from behind the clouds, deepening the creases bracketing his mouth, displaying crooked teeth that she thought were adorable. 

_ Damn, stop thinking everything about him is adorable! _

But it was, and he was, the way he was grinning unabashedly at her, like a kid at christmas. 

“Yeah, I can tell them that I’ll meet them later today after… what was it you had in mind?” She realized she didn’t really care what it was he’d wanted to do, she was onboard.

_ Whoa, girl! What if he had other intentions? _

Rey snorted at her own thought-track - it was like having Finn in her head all the time, come to think of it. 

Deciding to ignore the thought, she looked expectantly at Ben, eager to see what he was going to say. 

“How about… what if I showed you around New York? And then I can bring you back to meet your friends somewhere, maybe after lunch? Would that be okay?”

_ Okay? More than! _

“I’d really like that,” she admitted, unable to help grinning back at him in response to his enthusiasm, before she paused with a frown. “Are you sure you can take that kind of time out of your day? I mean, you must be really busy… I don’t want to impose…” she trailed off as she bit her lip, hating that she was giving him an out but knowing it was probably the right thing to do.

He swept a hand in the air, as though swiping away anything else. “There’s nothing else I’d rather be doing - the rest can wait.” She could see a glimpse of Kylo as he spoke in a tone that brooked no argument.

“Okay then, let me message my friends, and then I’m all yours!” Rey flushed as she saw Ben’s eyes widen when they both realized what she’d said. Ducking her head to avoid dealing with the slip of her tongue, refusing to read too much into it, she dug for her phone and tapped a quick message out on the group chat with Finn and Rose. She didn’t want to call them, seeing how it was still early and they’d been up late worrying about her the night before. Telling them simply that she was going to be out with Kylo, remembering just in time not to call him Ben since that didn’t seem like public knowledge, she asked them to call her whenever they were up. Then, she slipped the phone back in her bag and looked up, her composure regained.

Ben had, in the meanwhile, found his own phone and was speaking to someone. His sunglasses were back in place, reflecting her as she looked up at him. She heard him murmur thanks before he was done and, turning to her with a smile, once more crooked his elbow in a gentlemanly gesture. 

“Shall we?” he smiled.

Slipping a hand around his arm, enjoying the way he tucked it close against his body, she returned his smile. “Lead on!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big love to 
> 
> [Ferasha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ferasha/pseuds/Ferasha) and Azuwrite for the lovely moodboards!💙
> 
> to [ReyloBrit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyloBrit/pseuds/ReyloBrit/works) for the beta!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What better for my first post of 2020 than this? This was one of my favourite chapters to write because it reminds me of everything I experienced with my Reylos 💙 (I LIE! This whole FIC! Y'all are in every part of it!) 
> 
> Dee, Trish, Daga, Amanda, Liv, Waffles, Jules, Riel, Laura, Izzy, Briar 💙💙

Walking down the streets of Brooklyn, Rey was preternaturally aware of the man keeping pace next to her. Despite his long legs, he and Moose ambled along letting her finally break from the magnetism Ben exuded to look around her and take in the city that they were traversing.

“How about we get some breakfast?” Ben suggested, as he hauled Moose away from sniffing at interesting things that she was sure were better left untouched. 

“Sure,” Rey couldn't keep the amusement from curling around her voice as she watched man and dog lurch a few times in a battle of wills, or maybe of brawn. She ran an appreciative eye over the way Ben's biceps bulged, straining his sweater as he held the leash tight against Moose's enthusiastic attempts to get to his goal.

“Is he always this way?”

“Hah! Today is one of the better days,” Ben huffed as he looped the leash along the length of his arm, inexorably drawing the massive animal backwards with a skittering of his paws. “Moose, no!”

Finally emerging victorious, Ben dragged the panting dog past whatever he wanted to dive into, his own chest heaving as he gulped the morning air in deep lungfuls.

“Sorry!” He gasped, sparing her a wry look. “I normally let him run around the park for a bit, so he hasn't burned off any of this energy yet. Just another block or so, and then we'll be okay,” he said cryptically.

_ Another block for what? _

She had her answer when they rounded the corner of a building to see a familiar SUV parked at the kerb, Antoine leaning against it.

“Are you  _ still _ working?” She couldn't help blurting out, looking from one man to the other.

A moment of startlement and then Antoine was smiling sheepishly at her, shaking his head even as he received the leash and an enthusiastic welcome from Moose. Dodging the slobbering tongue, he turned to open the door of the vehicle, letting the dog scramble in before shutting the door deftly behind him.

“I'm off duty, ma'am,” he clarified, after flicking a look at his employer when Rey crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows in silent question again, “Just going to drop Moose off as I head out.”

“Oh, okay,” she said, not knowing what she'd thought. Of course, he had introduced himself as Ben Solo's bodyguard, so that did imply he spent a fair amount of time…  _ on duty _ .

Which was a startling thought as well. She hadn't paid much attention to the need for Ben's security, despite everything, but now she realized that he'd been wandering around with her on his own.

“Is it safe for you to come out this way?” She asked him timidly, very aware that he was sending both his dog and his bodyguard away to be with her. 

_ What if something happened? _

Surprisingly, both men chuckled, Ben sticking his hands in his pockets as he rocked on his heels. 

“I don't have a bodyguard with me all the time, Rey. Antoine drives for me and doubles up during shows,” Ben said as he smiled at her.

_ Oh great, now he was laughing at her. _ Rey flushed, feeling foolish for having asked,  looking down at her hands that were twisting around the strap of her bag.

“Hey,” he called softly, bending to catch her eye, till she was forced to glance up or have Ben Solo fold in half just to look her in the face. “Thank you for being concerned. About both of us.” He gestured to Antoine and himself. “Most people wouldn’t care one way or the other.”

“I'm not most people,” she said, feeling the need to make that clear.

“I know,” he sobered as he searched her face, “believe me, I do.”

There was a long moment while…  _ recognition?... _ something she had no name for passed between them. 

Then, with a clearing of his throat, Antoine recalled them to the present as he looked at Ben, evidently waiting to be dismissed.

“Right.” Ben straightened, “If you could run Moose home, Rey and I will go find some food.”

“Bagels?” Antoine asked with wry familiarity as he got into the driver's seat.

“Bagels,” Ben answered with a wide grin, clasping his hands and rubbing them together in evident excitement.

_ What the heck was the big deal about bagels. _

___

“Oh my god, this is amazing,” Rey exclaimed as she swallowed her first bite of an everything bagel with two types of cream cheese and lox.  _ Who the hell put salmon on bagels? New Yorkers, that's who… frickin' brilliant! _

“Right?” Ben's eyes shined as he replied with equal enthusiasm.

“I never want to eat anything else again, you beauty you,” she said to her bagel, dropping a smacking kiss on it before wolfing a large mouthful, uncaring of the mess the cheese was making of her face. Wiping the excess up with her fingers, she downed her bite, before sucking the cream off her tips, moaning at the flavor explosion.

Ben coughed, seeming to choke for a moment before swallowing hard and shifting in his seat, angling away and carefully placing his bagel down. 

“Are you okay?” She asked him, torn at having to shift attention away from her food. Then she noticed the odd look he was giving her. “What? Did I miss a spot?” She tried to squint down at herself, a virtual impossibility.

“Um, yeah,” His cheeks were tinging red as he reached over to grab some tissues from the holder. When he thrust them at her, she shrugged and gestured with the overfilled bagel she was holding in both hands.

“It's going to fall apart if I let go. Could you get me?” She leaned forward so he could wipe at her face. 

When he didn't move, she flicked a look at his face. “Please?” she asked with uncertainty, seeing him sitting frozen with the tissues in his hand.

After a long, slow blink, Ben seemed to wake up. He raised a tissue to swipe gently at her with tentative touches. When he steadied her chin with a finger, and wiped more firmly, she couldn't help but grin at the redness spreading across his face. 

“Am I embarrassing you?” she asked, cheekily.

He paused, lowering his hand as his brows did the same, glowering dramatically at her. “Are you teasing me?” he demanded.

“I might be,” she grinned up at him, a thrill of delight running through her as he growled. 

“Brat! I'm not helping you anymore.” He dropped the tissues and leaned back, crossing his arms and tossing his head. 

Her mouth suddenly ran dry as she had a fleeting vision of those arms flexing… _around_ _her, holding her…_ and then she was the one choking a cough.

“Hey, are you okay?” He quickly leaned forward, eyes concerned as he thumped her on the back

Nodding rapidly, Rey squinted at him through tearing eyes. 

Thankful that he'd missed her moment of apparent insanity, she croaked, “Water, please.”

“Of course!” Then he was rising and she was free to breathe freely, while she tried to calm her racing heart.

_ Jeez, all for a daydream!  _ She really needed to get it together or she wouldn't survive spending the rest of the morning in Ben Solo's company.

___

As they continued their walk through the city after breakfast, Ben pointed out places he thought were interesting. The best pizza in town here, a family-run establishment that’d been around since pizza had made it to the United States. Famous street art over there. The nicest perfumes over here, something that made no sense to Rey, since all she knew were her standard deodorant and body spray. She nodded politely, until catching the disinterest in her face, he grinned and shrugged. “I’m told they’re good, but I’ve never really tried it out. I just thought you might be interested.”

Nodding, she smiled her thanks, “I’ve never really tried perfumes, so I wouldn’t know. But, thank you.”

“Oh?” he asked, curiously, “Do you not like perfume or are you allergic or…” Wincing, he stopped. “I’m sorry, its none of my business, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

A little laugh bubbled out of her, and she hastened to reassure him, “Oh, I’m not offended or anything. I’ve just never been able to afford that kind of an indulgence, so I have absolutely no idea if I like perfume or not, nor any of the rest of it.” She felt a little diffident admitting to her strained finances, but didn’t think there was any shame in it.

_ It is what it is, and I am who I am.  _

Unconsciously, she lifted her chin, remembering how Maz had always reminded her that a bank balance never defined anyone - it was all down to what they did, not what they had.

With a hand on her arm, Ben stopped her, looking down at her from his greater height. “Uh, don’t take this the wrong way, but would you want to go check the store out? If you like something, I’d love to buy it for you, if that’s okay.”

She stared at him, unsure of how to react. Rey decided being direct was the best; no room for any confusion.

“You want to buy me perfume?” she asked.

He nodded, chewing on a corner of his ridiculously plush lips.

“Why?” The question was careful, as she tried to read his face, suddenly wondering if maybe she didn’t smell as fresh as she thought she did. “Am I… do I smell bad? Or...” she quickly asked, taking half a step back from him.

Snatching his sunglasses off, his eyes wide in what looked like horror, Ben reached a hand out to stop her. “No, oh no! That’s not what I meant! Shit, I’m sorry, I...” She watched as he looked down at his feet, shoving a hand through the hair falling over his brow, tugging on the ends as he did. 

“What  _ did _ you mean?” she asked softly, realizing that he was feeling as awkward about this as she was.

“I just- I thought I could help you experience something you haven’t been able to.” He mumbled, before looking at her from under his brows, looking for all the world like he was afraid of getting scolded.

Rey melted at the gesture. Automatically, her hand drifted over to grip his, making him raise his head to look fully at her.

“You know you don’t have to. You barely know me,” she said, her tone gentle, acknowledging that she knew he was trying to do a nice thing.

“I’d like to, though. Know you, I mean.” He closed his hand over hers, holding it between both of his as he looked earnestly at her.

This was absurd. 

_ No more absurd than you dropping everything to spend the day with him. _

Rey couldn’t argue with that - she wanted to get to know him too, the quiet man behind the screaming god with a guitar and a voice that made her want to faint.

“Okay, lets go check this place out. But,” she raised her eyebrows in warning, “no buying me anything.”

“But-”

“I mean it, Ben!” she emphasized, cutting him off with a shake of her head, “I feel bad enough that you’re taking time out of your day for me. I won’t have you spending money on me.”

He sighed, and nodded, reluctance written large on his face, “Alright, have it your way.”

She grinned, impishly, not able to resist giving him a cheeky wink. “I mean, you can feed me as much as you like.”

Ben laughed, throwing his head back as his full-throated mirth spilled over. “I’ll take it!”

___

Rey had never smelled so many different scents in one place before. Sure, she knew what flowers and lemons and candy smelled like, but to have so many complex scents waft past her, it was an experience that made her head spin. 

The owner of the boutique store came out from behind the store as they stepped in, his eyes widening as he took Ben in, obviously recognizing him. She knew those damned sunglasses weren’t as much of a disguise as Ben seemed to think they were. Rey hid a smile as she saw him shake his head, mouth tightening, as he  _ willed _ the man to ignore the fact that Kylo Ren was standing in his store. Tilting his head towards Rey, he growled, “Please help  _ her _ find something she’ll like.”

Taking the hint, the perfumist tripped over himself to show Rey to the showcase of perfumes that covered one wall and stretched the length of the little store on narrow tables. Ben, in the meanwhile, wandered over to a corner out of sight of the windowed storefront, and propped the walls up as he watched Rey sample bottle after bottle. His attention was singular, she could feel his focus even from across the room as she sniffed delicately, barely hearing the chatter of the man next to her as he told her things about  _ sillage _ and  _ strength _ and other things she’d never heard of. Half her senses were tuned to the eyes she could feel on her, her skin pricking in awareness, while the assault on her nose continued. Whenever she wrinkled her nose, overwhelmed by the barrage of scents, the perfumist, as he introduced himself, held out a can of roasted coffee beans.  _ To cleanse her palette, whatever that might be. _

Just as she decided that she’d had enough, and was about to politely thank the man and turn away, the next vial he held out caught her attention. Her eyes drifted closed as the scent wound its way around her - a mix of things that smelt like sunlight, warmth, comfort…  _ and Ben Solo. _ Lids snapping open, she stared at the perfumist before her eyes slid past him to Ben, still lounging in a corner. 

“Oh, you like that?” the man asked, his excitement clear in his voice and the shine of his eyes, “You know, it’s a new one I mixed for-” Here he halted, tossing a look over his shoulder before turning back to her, clearing his throat as he did. “Um, for one of our local artists actually.”

_ Oh. Oh! He meant for Kylo Ren. For Ben. _

Before she could say anything, a warm hand was settling in the small of her back, while another snaked past her to gently take the vial from the perfumist who’d suddenly found his mute button.

Tilting it up to the light and then taking a sniff of it, Ben looked down at her and smiled, his eyes warm. “It's an interesting scent - do you like it?” he murmured as he lowered his head.

She nodded, realising that she was unable to speak while dealing with his proximity, his largeness and the weight of his hand on her. It suddenly felt far more intimate than any other contact between them. 

Ben turned to the perfumist, his smile reining in till it was merely polite, and inclined his head. “Could you tell us the name of this one?” He handed the perfume back to its creator, who scrambled to receive the vial.

“Uh, it’s called ‘Kylo Renaissance’... for, well, Kylo Ren. You know, the singer?” the perfumist said, inanely, as he shifted from one foot to the other and tried not to look at Ben.

“Ah,” Ben nodded quietly, “I’m sure he appreciates it. Thank you for taking the time to show us around. We’ll probably come by again, later.” He looked back down at Rey who had been silently watching the surreal exchange.

The perfumist bobbed his head, before reading the room and stepping back, giving Ben and Rey some space as he shuffled vials and bottles on the shelves. 

“Ready to go?” He asked, his hand still brand hot on her back. Rey nodded quickly, not trusting herself to speak, unsure what feeling was bubbling in her right at that moment.

Thanking the store owner again, they stepped out into the street. Rey drew a deep lungful of air, the smells of the city crashing against her in contrast to the indulgent scents she’d just left behind. Cutting her eyes to Ben, she bit her lip. 

She had a feeling that she was getting heady with all the attention he was giving her, something she was very unused to. If she was not careful, she’d find herself doing something very stupid, Rey thought, reminded of all of Maz’s warnings before she left Jakku. Yet, somehow, she could not find it in herself to stop. She was going to let herself enjoy every little bit of this experience, before it came to its inevitable end.

___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!💙
> 
> Big love
> 
> to [Ferasha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ferasha/pseuds/Ferasha) for the lovely moodboard!
> 
> to [ReyloBrit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyloBrit/pseuds/ReyloBrit) for the beta!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, yeah, that chapter count went up. Woohoo, right?
> 
> Let's continue this love letter to New York, shall we?
> 
> This one is for all the Reylos who 'sprinted' in Central Park that lovely spring day, and who beep-squeeed at _'The Empire Striketh Back'_ the night before!💙😆

They’d intended to go to the Met but Rey had been distracted by the sight of Central Park being _ right there, _so they’d done that instead, wandering the sun-dappled paths in comfortable silence, not feeling the need to say anything at all. A lot of people seemed to have had the same idea that they had - the park was full of cyclists and skaters and runners and families out on a picnic; adults, children and dogs alike soaking in the sun as they lounged and played. 

Rey couldn’t help being a little wistful, feeling keenly that she didn’t know what that was like - a family picnic. _ If she could though… _

Her eyes drifted to the man next to her, before she was pulling them back to focus on the narrow paths they were navigating.

"So, tell me a little bit about yourself, what you're doing in the city," he said, as they ambled, his hands stuck in his pockets and his head tilted to squint sideways at her.

"Nothing much to tell - I'm just a mechanic who likes to write and I've always wanted to see New York, to see _ Manhattan_." She panned her hand in the air, miming a marquee, as she said the word. "Actually, I'm here to meet my friends that I write with. You know, Finn and Rose from last night?"

He nodded, and she continued, "So yeah, that's about it."

With a snort, Ben shook his head. "That both tells me so much and nothing at all!"

"Uh, I don't really like to talk about myself. I… grew up in the system, and I learned the hard way it's best to keep my head down and just let my work speak for itself." She bit her lip, not having quite intended to say that.

He looked at her considering, but he didn't pry. Instead, he asked, taking her by surprise with his insight, "I guess that's why you write? So the words can speak for you?"

"That's… actually a really good way of putting it." 

There was a beat of silence and then he was asking again, "So, can I read something you've written? Would I have seen it anywhere?"

"Ho, nununaaah! Nopes." She waggled her finger in front of them. "You're not reading the nonsense I write."

"Why not?" He stopped and looked quizzically at her.

"Because!" And here she paused, unsure of how to couch her thoughts coherently.

_ Some writer she was! _

At his raised eyebrows, she blurted, "Because it's not good enough. I mean, Finn says you write all the songs that you guys perform, and my shit is nothing like that and just… well, it's _ not good." _

He regarded her quietly and then nodded. "I won't push, but you can't weigh whether your writing is good or bad by comparing it to our songs. It's not the same, trust me. You may be far better than you give yourself credit for. You should let go, someday, and see where it takes you." 

_ Let go… see where it takes her… _

She was preternaturally aware that _ here _was where her writing had brought her, but those were the kinds of thoughts that you didn't say out loud. 

Instead, she smiled, shrugging as they continued walking. "It’s brought me my friends, and it's brought me here to meet them. So, yeah, I guess that's good."

He smiled wistfully. "That's definitely good.”

As though summoned by her thoughts, her phone rang, and Rey pulled it out to see it flashing Finn's name. “Speaking of the devil." She couldn't keep the delight from her voice as she thumbed the key and held the phone to her ear.

“Hey Finn!”

“Rey! Woman, where are you? Why am I waking up to messages that you are out spending the day with Kylo fucking Ren?!” His words tumbled over each other in an anxious rush.

"Whoa, slow down, Trooper!" She laughed, her eyes flicking to Ben who gave her a nod and wandered off the side of the path to lean against a tree, looking off at a bunch of children running around with kites as he waited for her. 

"Where are you?" Finn asked again, calmer this time. "Is everything okay?"

_ More than okay. _

"Yeah it is, everything’s fine." She smiled, feeling a rush of warmth both for her concerned friend as well as for the man patiently waiting for her to finish. "Ben offered to show me around the city this morning, and… well, I took him up on it. We’re in Central Park right now, though we were supposed to go to the museum.”

There was a beat of silence, and then Finn carefully asked, “Who’s Ben?”

“Who’s? Oh…” She smacked a hand to her forehead as she realised she’d mentioned his real name, and then winced at Ben in apology. Picking up on what must have happened, he nodded at her and waved her on, giving her the go ahead.

“Um, Ben Solo. That’s Kylo’s real name,” she offered, feeling inexplicably shy, like she was revealing something intimate.

“Oh. Oh! Gurrl, you’re totally vibing with the boi. I can hear you blushing all the way over here!”

Then there were muffled sounds before the next voice in her ear was Rose’s, “Bish, I am so jelly right now! You make sure you have yourself a good time, but you _ better _ give us the deets when we meet!”

Chuckling, Rey promised to do exactly that and then, after agreeing to meet them at her hotel in the afternoon, she hung up. She was very aware of Ben watching her as she bent her head to stow her phone.

When they resumed walking, he was silent for a few moments before asking, carefully, “You sound really close to your friends. Have you known them long?”

“Oh, I feel like I've known them forever, like I’ve always known them, but I only met them online about maybe six months ago? We’re all on a fanworks writing group together, and they’re actually the reason I tried writing for the first time. Now, it's like they’re a part of my everyday, and I can’t imagine not talking to them at least a few times throughout the day.”

“Oh, so you’ve never met them before now?” His surprise was very evident.

“Nopes! Yesterday was the first time I’ve seen either of them, face to face.” She grinned in fond memory.

“Wow!” He fell silent as he seemed to digest the concept, and then shook his head. “That sounds… amazing.” He sounded almost wistful, like she had something he wished he did. 

_ What could she possibly have that Ben Solo didn’t already? _

“What about you?” she asked, adding teasingly, “What makes Kylo Ren tick?”

“Now there’s a million dollar question!” he scoffed and then, when she poked him in the arm, grinned as he made to grab at her pointer finger. Evading him, with a little flutter in her belly, Rey insisted, “I’m serious! I told you about me, now it's your turn.”

“Fair enough.” He raised his hands in mock surrender before he stuffed them back in his pockets. “I’ve lived here all my life, actually not too far from where we are now.” He grimaced as he looked towards the Upper East Side, and then back at her.“You know, privileged brat, scion of the family, being groomed to take over the family business one day. I grew up with more money than sense, until I got to college and had some kicked into me.”

She didn’t know, but she did recognize that twang of bitterness in his voice, she realized, one she was sure he hadn’t meant to reveal.

“How did you end up with the Knights of Ren?” she couldn’t help asking, wondering what had happened to taking over the family business, whatever it was. 

“Let’s just say that with the help of some friends I saw where my heart really lay and, not unlike in your case, I started writing. Mostly lyrical prose, poetry. The band got together when we were in college, and I’d write songs for them to perform. Then, one day, I decided to show them how I meant for the song to actually sound, and the rest, as they say, is history. They wouldn’t let me step back down, and now they’re stuck with me.” He shrugged a shoulder.

“And the name? Why Kylo Ren?”

Grinning he shook his head. “It's silly actually, Kylo was my gamer name. And when I joined the band for real, I became a Knight of Ren - so Kylo Ren. Besides, it wasn’t like my parents would have wanted to see _‘Ben Solo’_ up there in the lights.”

“I guess this isn't what they had in mind for you, huh?”

“Nope. Not in the least, but,” and he shrugged again, “it is what it is.”

He didn’t say anything further, and she didn’t probe, knowing that there was at least as much more to his story as there was to hers. 

“Thank you for telling me,” she said softly, glancing up at him, as they followed a twisting, bumpy path that wove in and out of the trees.

He gave her another quiet smile, not saying anything but his eyes lingered on her face before he turned back to pay attention to where he was placing his feet.

___

  
  


“What were you going to do today, originally?” he asked as they skirted the Zoo, “I hope I didn’t disrupt your plans with your friends.”

Rey squinted at him for a moment, before giving into the need to tease him. “Well, you kinda did.”

He halted and blinked, looking at her for a long moment, his mouth working till she reached out and shoved at his shoulder. 

“I’m _ kidding _, it’s really okay.” She grinned at his quiet hum and quirked eyebrow before they resumed walking.

“We were going to look for a place to grab breakfast, then do some wandering around the city - Rose had some places she wanted to visit. And we’re catching a show in the Village tonight. Drunk Texts? Have you heard of them?”

“Oh, they’re really good! They do a hilarious Star Wars one that I’ve seen.”

“I think that’s the one we’re going to, so good to know.” 

They smiled at each other before Rey remembered something she’d missed.

“Thank you, by the way, for breakfast and everything. I’m not sure I actually said the words!” 

“You’re more than welcome, I don’t really need much of an excuse to get bagels.” He shrugged, sounding wry. 

Rey grinned as she recalled Antoine’s reaction. “So I gathered, but it was still a nice thing to do.” 

Ducking his head, Ben rubbed at the back of his neck, as though being thanked was embarrassing him. 

Looking at him, she couldn’t help blurting out, “You know, you are not at all what I would have imagined a rockstar to be like.”

Ben squinted up at her. “Is that a good thing or bad? What did you think I would be like?”

She hummed consideringly. “Well, not this… _ normal _ and down to earth I guess? I don’t know, I probably expected someone very… _ extra _? And maybe a little obnoxious?” Then, realizing that that sounded like, her cheeks reddened.

He gave her an amused smirk. “Extra and obnoxious? Well, can’t say I haven’t been called _ that _ before.”

“Oh shush, that’s not what I meant and you know it!” She hurried to explain, “I mean, that performance? Kylo Ren? That doesn’t seem anything like…” She waved a hand to indicate him. "...the guy who gets excited over bagels, or is being this nice to someone he thought was a stalker!”

He smile dimmed and then dropped as he looked away, making Rey’s stomach plummet. “Yeah, I guess that doesn’t add up, huh?”

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing,” she said, softly, “just unexpected.” 

Ben glanced back at her, and hopefully understood that she was in earnest as he nodded. 

Listening to an instinct that told her to divert him, Rey asked him something that had been on her mind since the moment on the bridge the day before. 

"Ben, when I first ran into you-"

"Bounced off of me, you mean?" She was relieved to hear the lightness in his voice as he teased her.

"Fine, when I _ bounced _ off of you, what happened? I thought…" She paused and looked off as they walked, trying to marshall the words. "... I don't know, I thought I saw something in the way you looked at me, but then you kind of just pushed past me." 

She flicked a look up at him, when he sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face.

"You… were a bolt from the blue. Literally. But, I panicked for a moment when you smiled, and I could only think of how we'd been warned to be careful in our interactions with the public, especially after that incident with the concert being disrupted." Pausing, he turned to her, his eyes earnest as he spoke, "Look, I'm going to apologize all over again for everything that happened yesterday, but I'm _ not _ sorry I ran into you. Not at all."

The words made a tingle race through her, and she tried to keep it from showing on her face as she nodded and smiled her understanding.

“And what you were asking before? For what it’s worth, a lot of what you see on stage is just… performance. Our kind of music feeds on energy, and that’s what you have to put out there.” His hand waved, like he was trying to grab the words out of the air so she could actually see what he meant. “And while I’m up there, that’s who I am. Kylo is… a mask I put on.”

“Like, a literal mask, in this case,” she couldn’t help but add.

He snapped his fingers and nodded excitedly. “Exactly! It doesn’t matter to the crowds what I’m really like under that helmet. They want Kylo, they get Kylo.”

“Well, they can keep Kylo, I’m really glad I get to see Ben Solo. Thank you.” She smiled at him, just barely stopping herself from laughing out loud when his ears turned red.

___

Their meandering steps took them over a bridge and down the other side, the ground getting a little steeper as it rose in little wooded hills and bumps. 

“On your left!” At the call coming from behind her, Rey shifted close to Ben, their hands brushing as she did. He curled his fingers around hers and drew her even closer as the sound of pounding feet grew louder and then they were being passed by a passel of runners, the last one tossing them a thank-you wave as they went. 

When the path cleared and the quiet settled around them like a mantle, he didn’t let go of her hand. And she didn’t ask for it back, content to keep ambling through the park, the sounds of the city muted and at a distance, wrapping them in a bubble of togetherness. All her awareness was on the feel of his hand wrapped around hers, fingers threaded together as they lightly swung their linked arms. The warmth from his palms seemed to be spreading up her arm, across her chest and up into her cheeks, the flush heating her as she bit her lip and tried resolutely _ not to look at him. _

No-one had ever held her hand before, much less like this - like it was the most natural thing in the world, and like her hand belonged where it was, cradled in his. 

Giving herself a mental shake, Rey scoffed at her own silly thoughts. She refused to think too much about what was happening, or to read too much into his actions. She was here today, would be gone the next, and had nothing to bring her into the orbit of man like Ben Solo. Kylo Ren. If someone had told her that the captivating leather-clad crooner from the night before would be taking a walk in the park with her, holding her hand like… like it _ meant something, _she would have told them they were crazy.

Now, she felt like the crazy one, the way her heart fluttered at every touch, every look, and every little thing he said. 

_ Maybe this is just a crush. That must be it. _

She’d never had one of those either, so had nothing to compare her situation to. 

Before she could apply more thought to the matter, Ben was slowing to a stop and then drawing her off the path, and through trees dotted around a clearing. As they emerged from the trees, brushing past thin branches that would mask the spot from anyone who didn’t know it was there,they found themselves in a remarkably private spot with a bench facing the lake. While the sunlight danced over the water in little blinding spots, the clearing itself was bathed in cool shadow, light filtering green through the leaves around and overhead. 

Tugging on her hand, Ben rounded the bench to nod at a little plaque embedded on the back of it. Leaning close, Rey read the etched words, feeling them settle on her like gossamer: _ ‘...This Is A Place To Dream Things That Never Were… And Ask Why Not.’ _

"A place to dream…" Ben spoke softly, standing close beside her as he reached a hand out to trace over the plaque. "I always like coming here. It makes me… hopeful."

"Hopeful," she repeated, equally quiet as they stepped back and settled onto the bench, "What dreams do _ you _ have, Ben?"

He smiled, huffing as he stared out at the light-dappled water, absently playing with her fingers, rubbing his thumb lightly over her wrist. 

"I'll show you mine, if you show me yours?" His question may have been cheeky but his tone was anything but - it seemed more self-deprecating than anything else.

_ Her dreams. Did she even know what those were? Did he really want to know? _

She searched his eyes then decided to go with her gut, which was telling her that he was in earnest. Settling back, the wood of the bench pressed against her, grounding her as she matched his contemplative pose, looking out at the water. For a long moment she was silent while she wrangled her thoughts and then she spoke softly, the words barely stirring the air enough to carry beyond the two of them.

“I’ve always wanted to feel like part of a family, like I can wake up everyday knowing there are people I care about, who care about me, and who will always be there.” 

She paused, suddenly feeling the rawness of what she’d just shared, biting her lip as she wondered what he must think of such a dream. 

Ben remained silent next to her, his thumb not stopping in its lazy sweeps against her skin, grounding her in a very different way as she found the words suddenly spilling from her, wants, unspoken wishes, fragments of unacknowledged dreams all solidifying as she spoke them into the world. 

“I dream of belonging, of being so important to someone that they can never imagine leaving me behind. Of doing more than just surviving every day, of actually _ living, _ of doing something worthwhile _ . _I’m…” She shrugged self-consciously. “I’m just a mechanic, but I wish I had the opportunity to learn, to do more than just work on broken-down cars in a small town no-one’s ever heard of. I’ve always wanted to travel, to see the world, one place at a time. At night, I used to dream that I had parents who were off traveling to exotic places, names I’d just read in books or in magazines, and that when I woke up the next morning, they’d be there, with gifts they’d brought back from whichever corner of the globe they’d been wandering. They’d hug me, and hold me, and tell me how much they missed me… ” She broke off there, horrified to hear her voice crack, as all the sorrow she’d kept pushed deep under broke through her barriers, and laid her bare in front of this man she’d barely known twelve hours before.

As she fell silent, struggling to keep her tears in check, Ben wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close against his side. Rey’s eyes closed as his warmth seeped into her, the strength of his arm shoring her up as she wrestled for control. Then, he began to speak.

“I dream of waking up every day and being able to reach my hand out and having someone there to take it. Of being seen for who I am, not just who people want me to be, or think I should be. It doesn’t matter how many people come to see us perform, or how many people scream that they want Kylo Ren. They don’t want the reality. Ben Solo still goes home and takes his dog for a walk. Alone. I dream of being able to share my everydays with someone. Of belonging to someone. I dream of not being alone.”

He stopped, swallowing thickly as he continued to stare out at the water. Her hand lay forgotten in his, his fingers having stilled at some point as they’d bared their souls to each other. 

“You’re not alone,” she found herself saying, breathing the words like they were a promise. The hand curled around her shoulder tightened in response, and then he was turning to press his face against her hair, his next words muffled. 

“Neither are you.”

_ If only that were true. Still, it was nice to believe that, even if just for a moment. _

She shifted till she was pressed against his chest, sliding an arm from between them to wrap around him in return, hugging herself close and letting him do the same to her. 

How long they sat holding each other, she couldn’t say, only that she could feel the ragged edges of her soul soothing with every pass of his hand over her back, every heartbeat she could feel under her ear. 

At some point he slipped a finger under her chin and tilted her face up, so he could look at her. His eyes searched hers, the minutes passing like an eternity between them as they just looked at each other, losing themselves in whatever they could read in the others gaze. She didn’t dare believe in what she thought she saw in his eyes - it wasn’t possible, not on such a short acquaintance, no matter how nice he’d been to her. Yet, _ yet, _ she yearned to give in to it. To let the promise he was silently making be true. 

They drifted closer to each other, closing the distance between them till she could feel his breath ghosting past her lips. It woke something in her, something that wanted to actually feel him, to take the promise he was making and taste it. 

_ He would kiss her and she would let him _.

She already knew that. Her eyes fluttered closed in anticipation. Before popping abruptly open when he dropped his hand and shifted away, clearing his throat as he did.

“I’m sorry,” he said, awkwardly, “I shouldn’t have done that.”

___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, okay! But I always find salted caramel to be the tastiest, don't you? 😉
> 
> Big love 💙
> 
> to Ferasha for the lovely moodboard and for walking with me while I untangled my thoughts and scenes. And for betaing!
> 
> to ReyloBrit for the beta!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will he, won't he? Will _she_, won't she?! 
> 
> Let's find out...

_ I shouldn’t have done that. _

She had just let her eyes drift shut, feeling something that was a confusing mix of want and comfort sweep through her at his gesture, when his words penetrated the fog. They hit her in the face like a splash of cold water, and her eyes popped open again, the want leeching away leaving only a wash of horror and shame behind.

Quietly, she pulled back from him, the chill of more than just his words settling over her as she untangled herself, wrapping her arms around her waist as she sat away, trying to act like nothing had happened.

It had all been in her head, he’d never seen her the way she thought he had. Thankfully, he’d pulled away before she’d done something stupid.  Like tug him down herself and seal his mouth with hers.

_ You’re a fool, Niima and almost made one of yourself! There is no fairytale - why would you think there is? _

Desperately she tried to keep her breathing even, not let on that her emotions were roiling from what felt like stinging rejection. Nostrils flaring as she took a deep breath, she fixed her eyes on the vista of water in front of them and just focused on what she could see, and not on Ben Solo sitting next to her, shifting awkwardly in place.

_ Boats. Many boats. Why are there so many boats? Boat with a sail. Is that what they call a yacht? What’s a yacht going to be doing in the middle of a park Niima, it doesn’t belong here. Like you. _

And just like that she spun back into turmoil and her eyes began to sting, and a tightness built in her jaw where she clenched it. She refused to let this make her cry in front of him. Quickly, she blurted the first thing that came to her mind, her voice sounding strange even to herself.

"So many boats - it must be fun to sail."

“What? Rey, are you… are you okay?” He sounded tentative, reaching out to try and take her hand but she twisted away, tucking her hands close to her body. Suddenly she was angry, both at him and at herself.

_ Of course she wasn't okay, but that was her problem, not his.  _

She took a deep breath,  willing the stinging in her eyes away and trying to calm down before she betrayed herself . 

"Rey, please look at me." He laid a hand on her arm and squeezed. Turning, she fixed a smile on her face that even she knew was a little wobbly, and was going to fool nobody. 

“Rey,” he sighed, looking at little distressed as he shook his head. “I’ve upset you, haven’t I? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“So you keep saying,” she couldn’t help retorting, making him blink.

“I was… it wasn’t right for me to… you know, when you’re feeling vulnerable and… I’m sorry.”

When she actually heard what he was trying to say… 

_ He wasn’t rejecting her. He wasn’t. _

Rey felt the tightness in her loosen a little at the sight of the man next to her, anxious that he’d somehow overstepped. Now it was her turn to sigh and shake her head. “Please stop saying you’re sorry, Ben. That’s not what I want.”

He stilled for a moment, searching her face before asking, “What do you want?” His voice seemed a little breathless, holding a thread of anticipation and something that sounded just a little bit like hope in it. 

_ Or maybe you’re just kidding yourself? _

Still, she held his eyes, long enough to trace all the gradation of colour in his irises, before dropping them to trace over his face. Against her better judgement she kept coming back to his lips, drawn to them like they were magnets, watching as they parted and his breath hitched.

Something seemed to shift and thrum between them. A fluttering like that of a thousand butterflies filled her belly and seemed to rush up her throat, making it difficult to catch her breath. Or maybe it was just that the intensity in Ben’s eyes had sucked all the oxygen out of the air around them?

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered. She nodded, knowing only that if he didn’t she was likely to do something desperate.

As his lips met hers, Rey could feel a part of her stand back and stare wonderingly at her, shaking its head at the thought of her kissing Kylo Ren. Finn and Rose would have an aneurysm, she realized. For more reasons than one. 

Then, not being able to care about anything beyond the softness of Ben’s mouth as it wandered gently over hers, she wrapped her arms around his neck and sighed into him. Tracing the edge of her mouth, his tongue asked her to let him in. And she did, parting her lips and letting him taste her. She didn't have any experience with this, but whatever it was Ben was doing, it was sending shivers through her, both hot and cold, as he explored her, every sweep of his tongue against hers intoxicating her till she began to respond in kind, with a slowly increasing urgency. 

Was kissing supposed to feel this way? Rey had no idea, only that the contrast between the softness of his lips and the prickle of his stubble was a sensory cocktail she was quickly getting drunk on. She tunneled her hands into his hair, not even caring that she was finally touching him the way she’d wanted to, ever since their first encounter on the bridge. She pushed up into him, intent only on getting as close as she could, tasting him and breathing in the scent of him. 

Ben seemed to feel much the same as he held her tightly to him, a hand fisted at her back while the other cradled the back of her head and held her face tilted up to take his plundering. Her whimper of need when he began to slow, to gently back away, was met by an answering groan that told her he didn’t want to stop, no more than she did. But stop he did, parting slowly, almost reluctantly from her, as his chest heaved for air that had been long denied. She finally gave in to her own protesting lungs, and sucked a deep breath in, her lips still tingling, still feeling the weight of him. 

As she breathed, Rey’s eyes remained closed, not yet willing to let reality in - she wanted to remain in this bubble of whatever this was for just a little while longer. Where she could pretend that she lived a life where Ben Solo kissed her senseless in the sunlit quiet of a lazy morning. More than anything she didn’t want to open her eyes and see regret or anything that recalled them back to reality. 

So she kept her eyes closed. They remained closed as she felt the touch of a finger sweeping over her lower lip, before gliding its way across her cheek in a light sweep that then trailed down her jaw before completing the circuit, touching her mouth again. She was still pressed up against him and could feel him breathing hard as he held her, the little puffs of air as he exhaled warming her face. Not that her cheeks needed the help, having heated more than sufficiently from all their activity.

His lips skimmed her cheek in a series of light touches, like a butterfly coming back to a flower over and over, as though he couldn’t help himself. She shivered at the contact, twisting to bury her face in his neck as the sensation overwhelmed her, far more than the drugging kisses they’d just shared.

He pressed his lips just below her ear, making her gasp and arch into him, her head hanging back as she bent over his arm, giving his mouth access to roam the length of her neck, her eyes still tightly closed. 

Then she was shifting, as he pulled her up, his hand cupping her face and steadying her.

“Rey, open your eyes,” he asked softly. Biting her lip, she shook her head, like the cat that screwed its eyes up to hide itself from the world. 

“Rey,” he called. “Look at me. Please.”

Slowly, reluctantly, she let them flutter open, her gaze moving up past a determined chin, past kiss-swollen lips that she just wanted to sink her teeth into, going up, up until she finally met his eyes. 

“Hi,” he whispered, a rueful smile twisting his lips.

“Hi back,” A n answering smile tugging at her as she shyly leaned into the warmth of his hand. 

He said, still in a low tone, as he cradled her even closer , “I want to kiss you again, want to keep doing that, I don’t want to stop.”

“Then, don’t stop,”  She tilted her face up to his, her head swimming from the headiness of it all. 

“That’s just it, I won’t be able to stop, not if we keep going.” He closed his eyes and dropped his forehead to hers. “And that’s not a good idea.”

Before she could say anything to that, he reared back with a jerk. “I didn’t mean it the way it sounded… that came out all wrong,” he said in earnest, his eyes a little desperate as they searched hers. 

“I only meant that it wasn’t a good idea, here, now, because I have no idea if I can stop if we start something. And that’s not how I want to… it's not how I want you.”  H e swallowed, hard.

When he sensed that she wasn’t upset with what he was saying, Ben reached up and cupped her cheek again. “I’ve never felt anything like this, not for anyone and not so fast. And it’s… it's a lot to take in. Am I making any sense?”

She sighed, closing her eyes, dropping her hand till she found his and squeezed his fingers. 

“Yes, yes you are. And you’re right, I’m sorry… I just… I feel...” she stopped, shaking her head.

“I know.” Ben stroked her cheek. “I feel it too… but-”

With a sigh, he shook his head. “Rey, I don’t do casual, and you were right… you don’t know me and I don’t know you. But I want to, I want to know everything there is to know about you. And then, one day when we’re not sitting in the middle of a public park in full sight of every bird and squirrel around,” he smiled as she snorted, “I want us to take our time with each other.”

It sounded wonderful, what he was saying, the picture he was painting. 

Then Rey felt a chill go through her when she realized she didn’t have that kind of time with him. To spend with him, to build something with him.

She swallowed, pushing down the surge of disappointment that swept through her, her grip tightening on his fingers to a point where she was sure it would have to have been painful, before releasing them.

When she drew back from him, Ben slipped to his knees in front of her, and peered up at her. She tried to look away, out and over his head, but he took her chin in his hands and pulled her gaze down to lock with his. 

As she began to shake her head she could see his face fall, like clouds scudding across the sun, blocking all the light he was shining on her. His hand stroked her face, thumb trailing over her cheek in silent entreaty.

“Ben, I… I can’t. I want to, I really do, you have no idea how much I want what you’re talking about. But I go home tomorrow.” She clutched the hand held to her cheek and turned to press a kiss to his palm. “Today was wonderful,  _ you’ve _ been wonderful, but this… this is a fairytale that doesn’t work for someone who has to go back to Jakku and greasy overalls. I can’t do this. There can’t be an us, there’s no way to make it work.”

She could see his shoulders slump, defeat making him bow his head over her. She couldn't help running her hands through his hair,  _ one last time, just once. _

The strands were crisp, sliding like silk beneath her fingers, and he dropped his forehead to rest on her knees, letting her sooth him with long strokes.

“No.” He suddenly lifted his head and fixed her with a determined look, his chin firm, stubborn. “I’m not letting this go so easily. This can’t be it.”

“Ben, there’s no way…” she started saying, her heart clenching at the thought of someone actually willing to fight… to be with her. 

_ Don’t do this to yourself, Niima. You know this isn’t going to work. _

“There’s always a way, Rey. Always. We can make it work…” he said, almost like he could hear her thoughts. Ben shook his head as his eyes wandered the clearing around them, as though their salvation would be found amongst the fluttering leaves. “We can call, talk, write... whatever, just... get to know each other from wherever we are.” 

She kept shaking her head, not willing to let the thought of doing all that with him  entice her. When did it ever work for people like her?

_ This, it’s a nice memory to take home with you. That’s it. _

Ben sat up straighter, the look in his eyes steely with determination and reminding her of Moose when he dug his heels in. “I’ll come see you in Jakku, and maybe you can come see me here, and… we go on tour soon, coast to coast! We are sure to pass through wherever you are. In fact, I’ll make sure of it!”

She didn’t want to fight the tendril of hope that was unfurling in her, wanting to believe in what he was saying, but this last thing made her pause. “You want to bring the Knights of Ren to Jakku in concert?” she asked flatly.

“Jakku, or as close to it as I can get.” He nodded firmly.

“Ben, this is crazy… do you hear yourself? You can’t just… drag the band out across half the country because you like a girl!”  She  threw her hands up.

“Oh yeah? Says who?” His brows lowered, his voice dropping into a dramatic growl, showing her a glimpse of Kylo as he leaned in. “I can do whatever I want.”

A startled laugh spilled from her at his fierceness. She wanted to believe him, that this could actually happen, that they could maybe make a go of it.

_ But... _

“All this is just too much effort for some nobody you just met, Ben. How do you know you won’t meet someone else - maybe even while on tour? I mean, I’m sure you guys have groupies.” She hated what she was saying, but knew that it was a very real possibility. And one that would leave her heart ripped out if it played out the way she suspected it could.

The way he stared at her, not responding, made her chew on her lip to still the anxious flutter she could feel.

“Rey, I’ve  _ never _ met anyone like you, never met anyone I’ve wanted to do this with, who made me feel this way. I don’t do groupies, if that’s what you’re worried about. And you’re not a nobody.” He shook his head firmly. “Not to me.”

She couldn’t help reaching up to touch his cheek at how fervent he was. “Ben, how is this not crazy? How is this even happening? This is nuts!”

  
  


“So? Nuts is good, I like that you make me this crazy. C’mon Rey, just… let go, you’re still holding on. Say yes.” He peered into her eyes, his desperation evident, this man who she hadn’t known even twenty four hours earlier, and who now made her heart beat wildly for the promise of him. “Please.”

She wanted to believe him, she really did. She’d never felt the sort of connection with anyone that she did with Ben - so full of contrasts it was like he was made to match her. The whys, the wherefores, the hows - he wanted her to believe that they could figure it all out and find a way. 

“Rey, please, come on...” he said again, pressing closer against her knees as he looked up at her with eyes that held everything she’d always wanted to see.

She found herself believing, she found herself leaning down to him and, a fraction of a second before she caught his lips with hers, she found herself whispering,  _ yes. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He did! And so did she! Yay!!
> 
> Now onwards...
> 
> **25.Feb A/N: **  
Y'all, am so sorry to keep you waiting on what happens next, but Life has been kicking me in the metaphorical nuts and I haven't had a moment to write. Whatever has been posted was pre-written, so am sure there's a lesson in there for me, somewhere 😉 
> 
> I'll see you soonly🤞🏼and thank you for reading! MTFBWY

**Author's Note:**

> Big Love to [kaybohls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaybohls/pseuds/kaybohls) for the lovely moodie, to [3todream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/3todream3/pseuds/3todream3) and [Littlemistake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlemistake/pseuds/Littlemistake) and [Audrey4ever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Audrey4ever/pseuds/Audrey4ever) for helping me place my bets, and to [deadlikemoi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadlikemoi/pseuds/deadlikemoi) for both betaing this flight of fancy as well as sending me down this path that morning over breakfast!💙
> 
> If you liked this, pls leave me a comment! Or come talk to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/WrenTaz?s=09) or [Tumblr](https://tazwren.tumblr.com/)


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